| [Tempus] |
[Ноя. 29, 2009|09:24 pm] |
I like it here, it's warm and I have people to play with and plenty to eat and I don't even have to steal anything.... unless I wanna. Mama was even teaching me to read, but not lately...he just stays in his room all the time. I wonder if I made Mama upset. Dazai told me Mama DIED, but that's impossible, Mama's a vampire. Only way he can die is if the sun gets him, or uh.... in the movies a steak. Neither of which can get into his bedroom. -.- Dazai is always saying mean things like that though. Soren says ignore him.
But uhm... Draven was teaching us to play cards, I'm not good at it. Seven's real good though, and plays with Draven for money and almost always wins. I wish I was good at something like that, something other than stealing. I keep doing it here and I don't know why, I guess it's like an instinct or something. Guess it's the only thing I'm good at so I gotta keep practicing?
I really miss.... but everyone was always telling me he was bad. Ekses-dono and her friend. And that one guy that.... who's name I don't remember, but he gave me his address once. I don't know, he was always nice to me, maybe everyone else was just mean to him? :x Lexie says him and Mama are going to get married, but that's kinda dumb... I told him guys only marry ladies. I kinda wish... but that's dumb too. I wish I were grown up. It seems like that makes problems go away. |
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| [Isuka] |
[Ноя. 27, 2009|11:16 pm] |
It's cold and quiet here. I don't much like it. Especially because it leaves me alone with my thoughts and... as of late they... haven't been good. But I suppose there's a plus side to this solitude: it's forcing me to come to terms with the fact that I'm a terrible person.
I mean.... Pride. Envy. Lust. That's three of seven, that's not a good quantity at all. Four more and I'll be playing wih a full deck, though I'm not much fond of gluttony or sloth... I have to maintain my girlish figure, you know. Ha ha, that was a joke. Breaking the tension. The audience bursts into silly titters. Hold. And begin again.
I just. How many am I stringing along even now? And how many of them have meant anything to me? I wasn't like this, I was never like this... And those two were even teachers, I... what I did... and... The only two that remain are the only ones who I think I feel for but... what if I'm wrong? What if I'm just trying to... I don't want that to be true, I... I can't even trust myself. I don't know who I am anymore, or... what...
You know, I used to pride myself on being beautiful. Got endless pleasure from staring in the mirror. Spent hours brushing my hair, and picking out clothes, and just... making sure I was perfect. That I was the fairest one of all, haha. I can't even glance at a mirror without feeling sick now. I've covered them all.
I used to write. I used to fill pages with love and fire, pour my entire soul into my words. I wanted to make the world cry, laugh, sigh. Wanted everyone's emotions to be wrapped around my dainty little finger. The pages are empty now. Almost like how I feel...
Is my life, my being, completely defined by other people? Did I only make myself pretty to lure them in? Did I only use my words to ensnare? And what I did with... hn... Only pleased when I have someone to dote on me, I suppose...
God, what's wrong with me? I can't... I can't be alone, I need... please... I'm just falling apart. Falling... I'm afraid. I'm so frightened. |
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| [Leaves] |
[Ноя. 6, 2009|09:20 pm] |
I haven't seen Daddy in quite some time, because Ekses and Kyon lost touch. I can't say he'd approve of what we call "The Barracks", mostly because my room is right across the hall from a boy. I miss Daddy terribly. He also wouldn't like me living in such close proximity to Alice...
Alice is better now, doesn't talk to me at all, or even look at me. I can't help but say it's a relief; my fingers still tingle every time he looks my way. I visited him a number of times while he was sick, but he was delirious and didn't recognize who I was. Kept trying to hold my hand, and kept saying "Baby, I'm sorry" over and over... if he were coherent, he'd have tried to cut them off again. He was clearly seeing me as someone else...
There are a number of new people here, but only so many rooms... the one named Logan is stuck sharing a room with James. I rather like James.... I mean, Draven, haha, he'd kill me if he caught me calling him by his first name. He's nice, when he's not trying too hard. This new boy Logan is a little strange, quiet, and always awake at all hours of the night. I say a little strange, I mean... we have plenty of stranger people here.
Another named Haruka is continuously cleaning up after everyone and straightening EVERYTHING, I'm afraid he's obsessive-compulsive. I can't say he's nice to me, or anyone for that matter; but he's not exactly mean either. Just sort of... snooty, haha. I'm sure he'll come around, and open up to someone. He'll adjust to being here, I mean, he'll have to, or go crazy. Which, sadly, is rather likely around here.
I apologize for writing so much here... it just felt good. I doubt anyone will read this... and those that do will certainly not know me at all. Maybe I should go find Ky or Morse to see if they want to play cards or something, or I'll read to one of the children. We haven't much to do around here anymore. |
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| [Dazai] |
[Ноя. 5, 2009|10:32 am] |
It's been a long time; you'd think she's afraid of me.
Crying and sighing and dwelling on the past. You had your chance. You said no. They walked away. Now you learn from it. Stop being so hung up on it. I know you don't want to be left alone with us, but dear child, that's the best place TO be. We love you very very very very very much.
There's nothing wrong with being alone. In fact, it makes you stronger. Someday when all those useless feelings are gone, you'll thank me. There is no reason at all to rely on someone else, no reason to care so much about someone that your entire world is shattered when they forget about you.
Silly girl. Someday you'll learn. |
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| [Serina] |
[Ноя. 26, 2008|12:34 pm] |
Jesus fuck, everyone here is psychotic. I hate all of them. I swear to god if I hear that annoying redhead screaming about how someone's fucking with him, I'm going to fuck out his other eye.
Anyway, yeah, there are like three people besides myself who are worth a shit, and they're all kind of out of it lately. Alice is sick, and throwing up and shit, which is bad enough, but he's fucking lost his mind on top of it. Keeps laughing and asking me if I'm the Queen of Hearts. It's freaky as fuck. I haven't seen Damien in days, he's probably killed something and is eating/wearing it. And Yuu is...well he....he's always been a few crayons short.
...god, that says so much about my choice in friends. Whatever.
Oh, yeah, so the reason I was actually writing this was to clear something up. I'M NOT THAT FUCKING SCARY. Yeah, I broke Draven's arm. He fucking deserved it. If Asrun didn't have his bitch-laser set to violently murder, nobody would give a shit. But ohhhh nooo, Asrun said it was bad for me to have done, so now everyone thinks I'm satan. He's not my fucking mother. I'm a perfectly nice person if you leave me the fuck alone.
Ugh, whatever. |
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| [Yuuyami] |
[Ноя. 10, 2008|10:19 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| | accomplished | ] |
SO....HALLOWEEN. Last week. You know I be lovin that shit...right there... But alas, my sentiments are not shared. Soren tells me that jumping out of the kids' closet dressed as Freddy wasn't appreciated. He says that some of them cried, which I do feel bad about.
My intention was to make them all cry. ^.^ Seriously, what's the point in having kids if you can't scare the fuck out of them once in awhile? That's what they're there for! Really.
So yeah, we're not all 'idiots and whores', thank you very much, I just so happen to be very smart and decidedly un-whoreish. Dani, on the other hand, is a box of STDs. I'm not kidding. Friends don't let friends fuck hepatitis farms! TELL EVERYONE! |
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| [Alice] |
[Ноя. 6, 2008|11:11 pm] |
I have become Sick. This development does not amuse me.
I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't remember events more than a few days old. I've been stuck in this room for days now, seizing and throwing up. Maybe I'm actually dying. It's about time.
I can remember my dreams better than I can remember what's going on here. Maybe the dreams are reality, and right now is the dream. Maybe that's why I can't die. None of you are real. None of this is real. Soon I'll go to sleep and never wake up. And then my life can start again. |
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| [Draven] |
[Окт. 24, 2008|12:03 am] |
I hate people. I hate them, so much. You have no idea. You wouldn't think it, looking at me. You wouldn't think it, knowing that I end up fucking so many of them. But the truth is there. I can't stand humankind.
Myself included, most of the time. That's not saying that I hate my face, or my body; it's saying that I hate the way I am. I'm not a good person. Good people don't pick up men in bars. Good people don't drink themselves to sleep. Good people shouldn't ever be associated with me.
And I realize, I turned TWENTY-FIVE on my last birthday. Twenty-five! I'm almost thirty. Almost thirty means almost forty, and then I'll be fifty. I'm getting old, and I don't want that. Being old means that soon you're going to die, and I'm not ready for that. I haven't done anything with my life. Nothing but sleep around and drink. There are things that I want to do, things I want to see. I should get off my arse and do these things, they might bring me some peace, but I'm just too busy. Too busy being mediocre. I'm not going to do what I dream of. I'm going to die soon, in this apartment, and there's nothing I can do about it.
And that, dear friends, is why I DON'T love anyone. Because that would mean they'd have to love me back, and if they did, they'd push me to be better. And all of that would be useless.
I'm a whore. I'm an idiot. I'm a worthless liar. I'd ask god to forgive me, but he's too busy fucking me to do it. |
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| [Soren] |
[Авг. 4, 2008|11:39 am] |
I hate him. I hate him so much. I hope he dies, painfully.
God, this feels so unlike me.
Everyone thinks Asrun is so perfect. It's not fair. It's not TRUE. He tossed me to the side like yesterday's garbage, like I'm worthless, like I was fun for a little while but not really good for anything serious. And then HE comes along, and Asrun's got someone new to flit about. Reality's going to hit that bastard in the head so hard it'll probably kill him.
And they both deserve it.
Asrun will tell him everything he wants to hear for awhile, and then he'll get bored. It always happens. Always. And to think that all the kids want to be like him. To think I wanted to be like him.
He was mine first. It's not fair. |
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| [Ky] |
[Июл. 25, 2008|11:59 am] |
Why why why why why
I hate myself, why am I so stupid, everything hurts. God why did I do this? I just wanna die. I keep trying and why don't I? WHY. It's not like I have anything left anyway. I need to be committed.
God kill me. |
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| [Damien] |
[Июл. 18, 2008|10:00 am] |
fuckfuckFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
I want to kill him. And then fuck him in the stab wounds. fuck fuck fuckkkkk stupid little prick, doesn't he know that I did it first, foremost, and best? fucker. kill him.
Her too.
Maybe the little kids.
Everyone.
Just stab and rip and tear and kill and fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck stabstabstabfuckkill
EVERYONE HERE IS STUPID AND EXPENDABLE. |
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| [Yelena] |
[Июл. 15, 2008|10:15 am] |
Oh, oh, oh, hello all of you mystery people! *waves brightly* x3
Ah...let's see, yesterday my arm fell off. I couldn't get it back on by myself, but Yuuyami helped me~ He's good at this. :D; Which is good, because I can take a leg or something coming off, but it's kind of hard to put an arm back on with one arm. ;__; But things keep falling off, I hope I don't get replaced. *sigh*
...x3 It's so funny to write in a journal, knowing everybody can see it. Even mystery people. x3 |
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| [Tempus] |
[Июл. 14, 2008|12:00 pm] |
. . .
*rubs his neck* .__.; I don't have anything to talk about. |
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| [Draven] |
[Июл. 13, 2008|09:59 am] |
| [ | Настроение |
| | accomplished | ] |
So this nice little girl was talking to OUR nice little girl, and she was like "I DARE PEOPLE OVER THERE TO MAKE A LIST OF PEOPLE THEY'VE BANGED". And y'know, I don't need to be dared to do it, love. ;D So, let's see.
THE LIST.
Damien
Asrun (who I actually had to PAY for, what the hell. totally not worth it.)
Soren
Andras
Remiel
Dani (We were both REALLY drunk. I mean, normally, even -I- have taste.)
Alice
Serina (Bloody hell, this woman scares the shit out of me.)
Male Randoms x25-30 (I kind of lost count around there.)
Female Randoms x20ish (Again.)
Father King (Ex-boss :D)
Lionel (Ex-boyfriend 9__9)
Ophelia (Ex-FIANCEE)
Blake
Kain
...and uh, there are a few more that I can't remember, but I KNOW I did. But hey, I think that's pretty decent for five years of sexual activity. :D
Next is either Isuka or Kieran. Neither of which will be easy, because Isuka is all hung up on some Kingeeroo guy and some Backs kid, and Kieran is...well, she never comes out of her room. Asrun knows about it, probably his little pet Soren told him, and Asrun's all "James Draven, you make me sick." Well christ, like you've got room to speak, whore. Ugh. At least I have a REAL JOB.
But ANYWAY, those two aside, WHO WANTS TO BE NEXT? I have to make up for like, twenty years of not using my junk. |
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